Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
