haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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