we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize