how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
