Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you didnt know i had herpes?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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