he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
