I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
