I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
