Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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