Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
