i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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