I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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