I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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