Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
