"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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