Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
