shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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