how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she pinky promised me she was 18
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
