Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
