I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
