just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
