he wants to bone in the snuggie
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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