whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
