im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
