so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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