i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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