Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
