I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
