If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
