Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
