If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
