Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
