You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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