they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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