my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
