I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
