just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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