Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
