It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's shark week go big or go home
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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