we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
