we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
