Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
