the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize