if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I supernannyed him into submission
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