don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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