The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
