quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
