It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
