how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
