Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize