Just fell off a train. Bad.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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