just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
