i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
