Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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