Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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