I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
