So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my shit smells like andre
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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