I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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