am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
