I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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