I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
