I want to stick my p in your. b.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
