i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
