there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
