This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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