Got a toothbrush?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
