Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
