is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
