I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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