if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i now understand why vodka
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
