so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
