When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
