all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
3 2 1 whiskey
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
