I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
