Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
