Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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