Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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