You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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