don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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