Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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