so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
