It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
