Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
