i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
